Perception of Love

The value of love, is how it shapes you and help you to improve and become a better person..

The perception of love is a karma. What you perceive love is, totally decide what you get in the future when it comes to love..

It's time for a change, a change of my perception...

I Just Haven't Found You Yet

I don't like my current life here in this city, which I've been living in for almost 6 years. The same restaurants, the same streets, and the same bad air. The only thing has been changing is my friend circle. People come and go, no one really stay in my life for more than 2 years. Or those who have are no longer as close as it used to be. I sometimes wonder, "is it me? or it's just life."

I want to become a traveler. Making a living by working in a beach bar, restaurant or writing. Have been to many different cities, and experienced the culture andlifestyle. I found that I'm actually more of a chillaxing person rather than urban.

What if one day when I finally make up my mind to move, and then I realize I'm already too old to do so. I'm losing my smile and positive thinking day by day in this city - a city where people only care about money making and showing off. They critize celebrities' daily life rather than how politicians are making the city worse; they use people around them and speak gloatingly about people they had cheated, thinking the one was an idiot; the city is so small that people kill a butterfly upon a wheel. I'm afraid I will become a narrow minded person sometime soon.

If I were a traveler, I would not come to this city. It's boring and nothing really exciting is going on. People who live here for too long get angry all the time. Local people are so ugly inside and they think they are better than anyone in the world, but they don't realize the glamour of the city itself is fading away.

I just haven't found you yet - the one city I want to live in with the one I love and a job I feel comfortable with. Take me out of this hell, GOD.

Gangnam Style and Insecured Twenty Something People

Leighton Meester said it before that, "So much of your twenties can be wasted on insecurity and worrying about what others think." It somehow caught my attention ever since I read it from a magazine. Then I found it really happens to all of us, twenty something people.

Went to Macau with some friends over the weekend. Four of us are exactly the mid twenties kids. A and B are a couple, C is a single good looking boy a year older than me. Have known the two boys A and C for over a year, and B recently since she settled with my friend. We got together for drinks on Friday after work, and decided randomly to go to Macau the next day. And there we go - arrived Saturday afternoon without hotel reservation or any idea about what-s-on in town. A and C decided to go to four seasons and I was worried about my pocket (lol), since all other hotels with facilities for younger people (as bars clubs) are fully booked. We got two standard rooms at first at a fairly affordable price. The girl at reception was probably falling in love with C, and offered a deal that we add HKD 1k more to upgrade to a royal suite! Good Job to C. A and C were pretending while the girl was showing the room to us, "hmm, it's ok. It's not so bad." As soon as the girl closed the door, they went, "OH MY FUCKING GOD! IS IT REAL?" I had a good laugh.

We then went for dinner at golden flower at Wynn. It was really fancy and nice too. The waitresses all fell in love with A and C. When B and I went to the bathroom - C needed to do her nails there, I heard later, four girls went to our table one by one to offer tea desserts handkerchiefs (???) and even gifts to the boys. They finally took the gifts. When we girls got back to the table, the girl brought the gifts - two Chinese writings - to the table, and kept saying to C, "you're so handsome..." I swear I saw heart bubbles flying around her head.

Then we went to Hard Rock pool party and C just decided to buy two bottles of champagne to get a VIP table. Girls kept passing our table and tried to talk to him. After that we went to Cubic, and two minutes after we arrived at a friend (of B)'s table, C was grabbed by a not-so-classy dressed girl and started dancing. 30 minutes later, whatever should happen in this situation just happened smoothly. Since I was sharing a room with C, I informed him that I was going to lock the door and he had to use the sitting room that night. I then left with A and B, started joking about hangover movie would happen the next morning - instead of a tiger, there might be 5 girls in the suite. 10 minutes after we got into the suite, C got back, alone. He said the girl that grabbed him might be a prostitute. He said he was disappointed, not because he liked the girl, but he didn't win a flirting game.

Later when we were about to sleep, he was talking on the other side of the room, telling me how many girls he was flirting with and all of them were models. I was so sleeping, but I got what he meant was he couldn't find someone that really gets his attention for long, and he was so insecured that he worried he wouldn't be able to get married or fall in love. I was so tired and couldn't hold my attention anymore, so I just passed out, thinking he was crazy.

This boy obviously has overreacted to his too-good-to-be-true life style. He is good looking, making loads of money, well educated with great manner. On the other hand, he just feels insecured. We talked about this the next day all day. He felt that all girls that go to him are intentional. I was like, "dude, then what reason for them to get close to you wasn't intentional?" He obviously worries a lot about what others think about him. He said he might become someone from a movie called Shame, at the end not feeling attached to anything. I just felt like punching his face at the end of the conversation - too depressing.

I later talked to B at the spa. She was another 20 something peep that worries too. A is the one guy I have seen at this age who was so serious about relationship and all, I am so sure he would propose to her in one year or so. B, however, asked me if I think A would break up with her in 2 years.

People at their twenties really feel insecured. No matter how good situations we are in, we just feel things can change. It's true. We won't know what's gonna happen the next day as we are really too young. Life can't be planned with details. But why don't we just enjoy the moment now? As long as we have a direction and faith, we will get there. If you believe in love, you always find it.

Right? hmm...

I'm an amazing Babysitter

I have got a new maid today. She is working full time for another family but also working part time during the weekend to make some more money. When she arrived late after my yoga class, she brought the kid from the family she was working for. He is a 4 year-old kid, mixed of Chinese and Mexican (I'd say quite rare combination :P). He brought me smiles for an hour.


While the maid was cleaning up my place, I thought about just taking the kid outside for a walk in the park. He was a big trouble running around in the flat, thus she probably couldn't do a good job. We went to a park somewhere near mine and hung there for a bit. 10 minutes later, he came to me and said, "Wee wee.." Err... So we had to head back. On the way back, this little kid was just so curious about everything he saw. "C for car, C for chair, D for Dog and Duck.." He started singing. So I went on with him and asked, "A for what?" "Airplane!!" He sarted running in the front, posing as an airplane with both arms up, and giggled. "How about B?" "Bus! And how do you say 'bus' in Chinese?" "Bah Si." "Bah Si.. And 'B' for Bicycle too?" "Mmhmm." He was so loud and everyone in the street was staring. "Wow! 'G' for Guitar. And 'T' for Taxi and Trumpet." This little one obviously knows many words and maybe instruments. He started jumping up and down, playing the imaginary instruments.

He started telling me his stories from kindergarten, "Look! That's my friend Emily!" "Do you have many friends?" "Yes. Josh, Sean, Emily, Danny..." "Okay!" guess I wasn't interested in the topic haha. When we passed a frozen yogurt store, I decided to buy him a cup. He wanted chocolate flavor, but as soon as we got outside the shop, he dropped one chocolate bar. Of course then he started crying. I said, "well look there's at least one more left. If you keep crying and don't hold your cup properly, you will drop the other one too." So it worked and he stopped, and started eating his chocolate happily till we got home.

I bet I'm an amazing babysitter. He just didn't want to leave at the end.. Haha, happy Sunday!

Take a break when you can't breath

Went to my yoga class this morning before work. Hot yoga has always been a challenge to me, especially when the instructors try to bring some new postures into practice. This morning, we tried to do a whole flow of balance postures, from extended triangle to extended side angle, then to Ardha Chandrasana and Natarajasana, finally back to warrior one. Each posture should be easy, but the flow can make it extremely hard in a hot studio. At one point, the instructor just said, "watch your breath, if you're breathing faster and you feel out of control, then it's the body that tells you to take a break." I suddenly realized that I have been holding my breath for a long time, and that was why I felt it was getting harder. The instructor then told the class, sometimes we feel we want the challenge and we will need to succeed it. However, the body doesn't get used to it all at once. We then need to stop and give the body a break, and then try another time. Giving it a break doesn't mean giving up.

The same can apply to our daily life. Later on today, I was handling the project in office. Suddenly there was an urgent deadline that none of the teammate has alerted to. I was supposed to remind everyone as I was in charge of it. So I started to panic. Luckily, my supervisor was quite experienced and guided me to go through the whole thing, and finally solved the problem. At lunch, I started to re-cap the whole situation. I have always been aggressive on my career path, but I never give myself a break. When I'm at work, I always feel highly concentrated, sometimes feels like I'm walking on the egg shell. Of course I love challenge, but if I can even balance my breath, then how can I go further. Giving myself a break means take a breath, balance and then think about what I have done, so that I can summarize my experience and perform better the next time.

Many of us, the young generation, have a mindset that once we do it, we have to succeed. Life is not that easy, so we will have to encounter some hardships or even failures. That's how we grow up. We shouldn't push ourselves too hard to the edge. Break it a bit and think through. There's no problem we can't solve, as long as we keep calm.

Cheer up and look forward YO!

p.s.: Today I bought some daisies from the market. Aren't they lovely? :)

It's been so long

It's been so long since last time I was infatuated with someone. It's been even longer since last time I felt my world was so completed as long as there was a he.

Have read it recently that the biggest difficulty after being single for too long is that you probably will forget how to be with someone else. It's not that I feel satisfied with the situation, but I don't have much to complain about.

Hong Kong is small with very convenient public transpotration, so I won't need anyone to drive me around to live. I speak English, so every year I can go anywhere I want for vacation and no need to compromise with a he. I'm spontaneous and like making plans randomly, so I watch movie alone, eat alone (from time to time), and do many things efficiently. I buy flowers for myself. I make the money to support myself and spend it myself. I get used to being single.

Sometimes I'd feel afraid, afraid of one day when I wake up, I am just single and have to be like this forever. But then sometimes I think, why would I worry. I have healthy parents that I can still visit whenever I want, I have friends that I can hang out with whenever I'm bored, I have a job that I like for me to focus on my career path. Then I get confused - what exactly do I want from having a relationship.

I do know when I am in a relationship, I become a better person. The world is brighter. A cheesy hollywood romantic movie can easily make me cry. When I feel stressed, I know there will always be someone waiting for me to go home, and no need to talk, I can just calm down. Most importantly, I know when I have a he, we can talk nonstop, like tomorrow will be doom day so we have to express ourselves. But it has to be THE he.

In this city, I sometimes meet someone. Comes and goes easily. I don't make any effort, neither do they. Sometimes we would go to nice restaurants to spend a wonderful day or evening together. However, there will be no promise made between me and them. After being single for so long, I just forget how to treat someone right. It's not like I don't say sweet things, it's just I don't know, how to treat them and not make them feel any pressure. My friends say that every time I love, I love too much, but not anyone can handle it - my love can be really heavy.

Hong Kong is such an interesting city. You meet people easily. At the mean time, You give up on them easily too. Friends or relationships. There for sure are way too many distractions in this city. Parties, work, travelings, events, sex... This city will never disapoint you but relationships. Not many lucky ones can find the one here and know that s/he is someone worth the effort. People in Hong Kong never feel alone but lonely, I suppose.

As I get older, people around me start jumping into relationships or even marriages. One day last week, I worked OT till late. Walking out of the office building, staring at the neon lights in this city, I couldn't help but suddenly felt pathetic - I don't even have someone to call to say, "hey I'm off, can I come over to see you now?"

Well then I keep reading and working hard. I know I just haven't met the right one yet. coz When it's the wrong one, 1+1 will always be 1. I just need to be patient. I know he is probably somewhere in the world seeking, seeking for me to appear, then we can make a 2.

Good night.


Ed